Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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