You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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