Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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