There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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