Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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