I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
