took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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