I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
