sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
