I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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