You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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