Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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