My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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