There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
