there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
