Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
