Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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