i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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