Will you blow on my dice?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
