Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Green mimosas i think yes
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
