Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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