when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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