in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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