Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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