It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
