I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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