Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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