Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
