Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
