i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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