What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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