she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
