He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
