I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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