its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize