My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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