absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
