i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Who put my cat in the fridge?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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