That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
