marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize