you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
