you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
