I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
