and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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