I must be too annoying 4 u.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize