I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
