Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
