It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
