oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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