I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
