So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize