I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
