I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
