meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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