eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
