i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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