So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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